Finally

Finally!

I was able to shoot before and after class. With work and the rain, I've bided my time -- looking and watching and imagining as I walk to and from work along the same route for three days. Three days taking pictures in my head - camera save at home. I am aware that I am lucky to work half time.

There are so many things to do that have nothing to do with earning the paycheck that allows me to live the way I do. Guilt and a low level of shame run in the background like the way PC's run their programs - static. Urgency too. Unless one of my sideline pursuits take off, I'll be conscripted to a regular 9 to 5 job (if I'm lucky enough to find one) like most people. When I don't know.

I just want to write and shoot and cast films and talk to creative people. And read. And sing and act and dance. So many things so little time.

Even when I entered the workforce after college 20+ years ago with a newly minted degree in English Literature, I felt trapped by the many walls that enclose the corporate workspace. I didn't want to be a weekend, evening creative type - I have even less energy now than I did then for such small windows to unfurl my imagination.

So today - tired - but free, took my camera to school and shot from the parking lot to class. Class day is my spa day. I feel free free free - released and raring to go to class and feel and express my enthusiasm with others and their art.

I looked around this morning at tired faces who go to other classes and thought "they don't even know how lucky they are".